Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
