Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
