He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
