I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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