Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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