i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
