So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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