whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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