Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
