thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
