C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
