So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
