i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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