i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I could fuck to npr.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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