Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You ruined the universe
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
