guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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