and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
