FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
