dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
