im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
