The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
