I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
