covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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