Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
