I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
