I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
