i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
