It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
God I need to hump something, right now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
