I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
