I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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