Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
