what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
