dude i'm inner monologue high
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
