Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
smell my finger.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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