My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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