One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
