Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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