I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
