yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
