Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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