I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
