feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
