ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
