Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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