Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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