It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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