I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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