She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
