hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
