Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
