I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
