You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
