All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
