he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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