first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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