I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize