Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
