I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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