this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In other news, I just burned my penis
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
