pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
