There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
