The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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