Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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