Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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