you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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