Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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