remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
