I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
