As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
