Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize