we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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