I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize