two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
