I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
