I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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