Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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