the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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