So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
